40k Topic 33603

Taal Eisenkiefer

Eingeweihter
15. Juli 2002
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thefang.de
Serwuz,

8 Wochen ohne ein einziges Spiel, soetwas bleibt nicht ohne folgen.

Heute morgen habe ich daher spontan ein Gedicht kreiert.

Sinn des Threats -und mein Wunsch- wäre es solche Weihnachtsgedichte hier zu sammeln.

ich hoffe ich bin am richtigen Fleck gelandet, aber die poetisch begabten und interessierten Member finde ich wohl eindeutig hier.

Hier also das Gedicht:
<div class='quotetop'>ZITAT</div>
All überall auf den Tannenspitzen,

sehe ich Zerfleischer sitzen.

Den Bolter im Anschlag das Schwert in der Hand,

feiern wir Weihnacht, befreien das Land.

Spacewolves sind wir im Namen des Russ,

verbrenned die Ketzer, schürt euren Hass.

Besinnlich und ruhig den Ketzer vernichtet

ist es nicht schön was ENTZUG so anrichtet ?
[/b]

Grüze
-Marc 🙄
 
Ein Ork, ein Mensch und ein Eldar stranden auf einem Planeten und werden dort von Kroot gefangen genommen.
Die Kroot wollen zuerst alle töten und fressen, doch der Ktootweise gibt den 3 noch eine Chance und schickt alle in den Wald um 2 Früche zu sammeln um diese her zu bringen.
Die 3 gehen in den Wald.
Als erstes kommt der Ork zurück und bringt eine Himmbere und eine Kriche zurückt.
Der Krootweise sagt zum Ork: "Schieb dir diese 2 sachen in den Arsch ohne zu lachen oder du wirst geköpft"
Der Ork schaut dumm und fängt an sich die Himmbere in den Arsch zu schieben. Durch das ungewohnte gefühl für ei Ork fängt er an zu Grunzen was natülich von dem Krootweisen als Lachen interpetiert wird und lässt ihn töten.
Als zweites kommt der Mensch aus dem Wald mit einer Birne und einem Apfel. Der Krootweise sagt zum Menschen genau das gleiche wie zum Ork. Der mensch gebinnt sich die Birne in den Arsch zu schieben ohne eine Mine zu verziehen. Er macht weiter mit dem Apfel und sit schon fast fertig als er urplötzlich einen Lachkrampfbekommt und anschließend gekillt wird.
Im Himmel treffen sich dann der Ork und der Mensch und der Ork fragt den Mensch: "Haste au Lachen müssa, menz?"
dann der Mensch:"Eigentlich nicht, aber ich hab den Eldar aus dem Wald kommen sehen mit einer Annanas und einer Wassermelone." 😀
 
Hi, hab auch ein paar 🙄

"Liegt der Spacewolv tot im Keller,
war der Dark Angel wieder schneller!"

"Liegt der Dark Angel tot daneben,
hat der Spacewolv nen Kollegen!"

oder ein Lied

" Ein Space Wolve steht im Walde,
ganz Still und Stumm,
da kommt ein kleiner Grot an,
und schießt den Space Wolve um!"

Gruß an alle :lol:
 
Hier, frisch aus dem Specialist-games - Battlefleet Gothic-Forum:

Wer Zeit hat kanns ja mal übersetzen!

<div class='quotetop'>ZITAT</div>
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Begin Transmission

Repetition of General Directive 264-A-XCIV

To: Distribution, Sectorium Primus
From: Office of The Grand Inquisitor, Ebineezar Grinchanius
Re: Yearly Chaos Incursion

This purpose of this notice is to remind the forgetful of the annual visitation by the minion of Chaos known to the unworthy as Santa Claus.

+++ The Emperor's Light Banishes the Shadows of Heresy +++

As the diligent will recall, the incursion occurs regularly every 8742 to 8766 Terran hours, roughly corresponding to a Terran year. This trespass has occurred with disturbing regularity since at least the Horus Heresy, and perhaps longer, as many records were misplaced.

+++ Love and Obey the Emperor +++

The faithful will recognize the target on sight, as his garb and gear mark him immediately as an agent of the abominations.

Santa Claus is a corpulent, bloated creature approximating the human form. It wears a crimson tunic the color of fresh blood, marking him as a possible follower of Khorne. It is bearded, mocking the honorable Squats, and its hair is a sallow shade of gray, betraying its unnatural age. Be advised that despite the creatures fearsome name, no claws have been observed, and the former is likely a ruse.

The target has been observed in the company of smaller creatures having the appearance of thin (less than 30 kg, approx.), stunted (1.5 meters) humanoids with pointed ears. Their appearance suggests the involvement of the decadent Eldar, and although that race denies involvement (*reference the Rudolphian Campaign [index 4111-BGE-MMXCII-Primus], specifically the Battle of Yukon Coneliaus IV [ibid., index 6]*), agents are advised to be prepared for their involvement, as the Eldar are known for their deceitful ways.

Santa Claus is conveyed by means of a grav-sled powered by unnatural livestock as detailed below.

The target's vehicle is a grav-sled. It has superfluous runners which are used only on landing and take-off. Despite the appearance, no frozen water is necessary for its operation (another ruse). The vehicle's resemblance to the foul Palanquin of Nurgle should not be discounted, even though the colors continue to be reminiscent of Khorne.

The device is powered by the unholy ministrations of eight or nine quadrupeds. Ordo Malleus scholars have identified these creatures as warped versions of an extinct species of Terran mammal known as a Moose (reference 900002-ER-CIV). These beings single-mindedly pull the target's vehicle during its yearly invasion. They are outfitted with belled harnesses which are apparently imbued with the ability of flight. These beasts have been likened to the Fiends of Slaanesh, and such a comparison should not be dismissed too lightly, as the creatures shed a luminous substance as effluent as they move. Inquisitors should take care to avoid exposure.

Perhaps more disturbing is the variable number of the minion-creatures. On occasion, a ninth Moose has been observed, placed before the other Mooses. This creature radiates a sickly reddish glow from its snout, as a psychic beacon to other followers of the Vile Ones. This Chaotic device has allowed the target to navigate despite our best efforts to jam its navigation systems.

+++ Blessed is the Virtue of Blind Faith +++

Santa Claus gains entry to the domiciles of loyal Imperial Citizens (see below) and leaves small Chaos Rewards to tempt the faithful.

Inquisitors are reminded to confiscate and incinerate these items before any lasting damage is done. As a localized temporal distortion field is in effect around the target, these items are secreted in the habitations of the Imperium at exactly 2400 hours in every location defiled by the creature. It is therefore possible to gain entry to the citizens' quarters and remove the items (often cunningly hidden in footwear) before the citizens are aware of the heresy that has been committed upon them.

In other cases, removal of the items after the citizens have discovered them is possible. In such situations, small children are occasionally loath to surrender the items, as the tainting of the juveniles has already begun. Executions of the above are to be handled in the most expedient manner possible.

Often, juveniles that are well within the Emperor's Grace are given small blocks of graphite ore rather than the more tempting gifts visited upon the less faithful. The identity of these individuals are to be recorded, as future recruitment into the Inquisition or Adeptus Terra is possible [Note: Inquisitors or other agents who do *not* receive the graphite stones should be watched carefully].

Santa Claus enters the domiciles be way of heating ducts and waste vents. The size of the opening is not a factor, as the creature can adjust its mass and displacement by means of psychic manipulation. Mining these openings with frag, krak and other demolitions has proven unsuccessful.

The creature egresses by the same means, after ritually caressing his nostrils. No mucus has ever been recovered.

+++ The Death of Emperor's Enemies is the Only Gift We Can Give +++

Although all previous attempts at the destruction of Santa Claus have failed, Inquisitors are urged to make such an attempt whenever possible.

However, of more importance is the suppression of cultist activity associated with the yearly incursion. The Tainted have been known to erect shrines in their homes in the form of shrubbery adorned with baubles and lights [Note: the shrubbery is often highly inflammable, and offers a discrete method of executing the offending heretics without calling undue attention to the operation].
Other warning signs include:

Hallucinations involving sugared candies during slumber;
Excessive singing;
References to “a magical time of year” (note the influence of Tzeentch);
The construction of effigies made of snow; and
The performance of Slaanishi rituals while underneath plant clippings of the genus Phoradendron flavescens.
Once again, executions should be handled in an expedient manner.
End Transmission

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[/b]
 
Da hab ich auch noch was beizutragen:

<div class='quotetop'>ZITAT</div>
The Night Before 986996.M41

'Twas the night before 986996.M41, and all through the station
All there was clear, there was no abomination.
My helmet was set on the desk to my right,
On the chance that I was to need it that night.
The guardsmen were ensconced, asleep in their beds,
All the tanks too were safe, secure in the sheds.
Marines in the barracks, some manning the wall,
Assured me that the bastion never would fall.
When out in the yard there arose such discord
I grabbed up my bolter and unsheathed my sword.
Away to the window, I ran to take aim
As the marines around me all did the same.
My bionic eye turned the night into day
Allowed me to see, and to seek out my prey.
When what did my loyalist ocular show,
But an ancient conveyance, knee-deep in the snow.
The vehicle was pulled by horned quadrupeds
And a fiery red nimbus glowed from the sled.
The driver was mighty, his eyes full of scorn,
Dressed all in crimson like a servant of Khorne.
I gestured for other to shoot without pause,
For I was now certain this was Santa Claus.
"Fire Marines! Fire Guardsmen! Fire Ogryn and Ratlings!
Fire bolters! Fire lasguns! Fire mortars and gatlings!"
"You in the courtyard and you men on the walls!
Now blast away! Blast away! Blast away all!"
But all through this maelstrom the evil one flew,
Past plasma and bolt shells and frag that we threw!
And then, to my horror, I heard on the roof
The vile cavorting of each decadent hoof.
Screaming my orders, I spun quickly around,
As down the chimney shaft it came with a bound.
I saw its eyes glow, its vast stomach gurgle,
Bloated and fat, like a deamon of Nurgle.
Blinded by anger, I attacked with a scream -
Charged into battle with my brave space marines.
As we thundered towards him, closing the rift,
He reached in his satchel and pulled out a gift.
Then it tossed the vile boxes - I fell in a stoop,
As they arced through the air at me and my troops.
The wrapped missiles fell short, and plopped at our feet,
Our morale was quite strong, we did not retreat.
But the marines paused - our charge was disrupted,
They picked up the gifts and were quickly corrupted.
For each box contained a chaotic present -
The marines (damn their souls), found them quite pleasant.
A bolter, a flamer, a new power fist,
The Claus gave to all, and he checked off a list.
It moved through the station and left in its wake,
The sound of bright laughter and the stench of fruitcake.
The others succumbed, but it failed in its goal,
For to me it gave only a small pile of coal.
The station was lost, I could only instruct
The bastion computer to set self-destruct.
I failed to kill him, for I saw as I fled,
The target escaping, quite safe in his sled.
I heard it cry out as the base burst into light,
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!" [/b]