Space Wolves Space Wolves Witz von Eatatau

Grey hunter: reading new codex at the feasting tableHoly emperor have you seen this?

Wolf guard:looking up from his drink What is it?

GH: We have to have ten men in order to have 2 special weapons.

WG: So? We always run with ten men.

GH: That dosnt include you. So that means we cant run in a rhino if we want 2 special weapns.

WG: Well that doesnt matter to us, we ride in a land raider. Enough space for 11 men and an ale keg.

GH: Land raiders only carry 10 men now.

WG:looks into his ale mug Aha! I have a plan and I cannot think why nobodies thought of it before.

A few months later at the start of a new battle

GH:gets on the vox from inside he LR How you doing up there?

WG:also on the vox This is awsome, you got to try riding on the outside some time.

GH: Yeah, but are you sure its safe?

WG: Why wouldnt it be? I got the wind in my hair and the only problem is that I'm fighting the impulse to let my tounge loll in the wind.

GH:looking up from scanner Hold on we're facing a chaos player and he's got nine obliterators this is gonna be rough.

one shooting phase later

GH: Good job land raiders are such thiked skined, we would never have survived that otherwise, Eh hounerable brother? Hounerable brother? Hello?

WG:Coverd in black soot and all hair has been burnt off Pooht *Faints*.

Logan Grimnar (reading the Codex): "Wait, what? Land Raiders used to carry ten Marines, then Suddenly they carry 12 and now 10 again? What is this madness?"
Marneus Calgar: "Um, yeah. When we made the new Codex Astartes we introduced specific sizes to Squads and couldn't fit our commanders into the transports, so we had to make room for them, but as you are not a Codex Chapter you still have the old Land Raiders with ten Seats."
Logan: "And you tell me now? We already attached Wolf Guards to Packs and now they can't ride their transports anymore? What am i supposed to do with them?"
Marneus: "Dunno. Form them to additional Packs? Let them ride on those giant Wolves of yours?
Logan: .....
Marneus: "Whats up with you, Logan? You have that crazy gleam in your eye...... Logan?"

Wolfpriest: "Pack Bloodfang, you will now be reorganized to the new Codex standards, here have some Bolt Pistols."
Grey Hunter: "Yay, shiny!"
Wolfpreist: "8..9..10. Here have Melta."
Grey Hunter: "But we already got one."
Wolfpreist: "We got a sweet deal with the Munitorium, two special weapons for the price of one, because Logan Grimnar ordere a huge load of Bolters and Bolt Pistols. So whos the best shot?"
Wolf Guard: "That would be Erik, over there."
Wolfpriest: "Wait you have Wolf Guard attached? That means only one Melta for you, for some reasons you can only have one free if the Pack consists of ten Grey Hunters.
Grey Hunters and Wolfguard:
huh.gif

Azrael (glaring at Belial): "Now, do you see what your bragging about a full Terminator Company in front of Logan Grimnar has brought us?"
Belial: "Ok, ok, i should not have accepted his ale!"
Sammael: "Emperor's Grace! They can even field a complete bike army, or on with jumppacks."
Asmodai: "Dante will be furious when he hears about that."
Sammael: "Ohh, cool *points at the codex* you think we could.."
Azrael: "No."
Sammael: "But Caliban was famous for it's Monsters!"
Azrael (yelling): "YOU ARE NOT GOING TO CREATE A GIANT LION TO RIDE ON!"
Asmodai: *facepalm*
A Thousand Son, Dark Angel and an Ultramarine walk into the bar.

The bartender looks up: "Get the hell out."
*WGBL in Terminator Armour and retinue are standing on a ridge on some nameless battlefield, shooting their assault cannons at a horde of traitor guardsmen swarming towards them.*

WGBL: 178........179...............180!!!! 180 dead guardsmen from my assault cannon alone *Turns to his pack mate Hrolf* thats 10 kegs of Wolfmeister brew you owe me when we get back to the strike cruiser!!

WG Hrolf: Grumble grumble ....... I wish he didn't have his favourite toy.....bloody new shiny assault cannon.

*WGBL' assault cannon grinds to a halt and red lights start blinking on its status displays*

WGBL: *Shakes assault cannon furiously* What the hells wrong with it?? its not out of ammo!!

*A mysterious figure clad in Terminator Armour and carrying a thunder hammer and storm shield crests the ridge, and stands next to the WGBL.*

Logan's Champion: Its called a new codex, didn't you get the memo with your ale this morning?

WG Hrolf: *Snigger*

WGBL: Bah! I was only using the bloody thing because it made a loud noise and looked cool! *Hefts AC in one hand, then chucks it spear-like at a nearby guardsmen squad and impales the squad like a spit roasted boar*

WGBL: * Turns to Logan's Champion and sticks his tongue out* Bet you can't beat that!!! you've only got a thunder hammer and storm shield!

WG Hrolf: *Face Palms*

*At that moment, a battle cannon shell whizzes over the ridge and dents Logan Grimnar's Land Raider. Over the sounds of the raging battle can clearly be heard a certain Great Wolf loudly describing the questionable parentage of the tank crew responsible, and what he would do to said tank crew if he ever got hold of them*

Logan's Champion: *Looks over his shoulder* I'll deal with it in a moment, my lord *Turns to face WGBL* A Dark Angel could have done better than that! I bet you your 10 kegs of Wolfmeister brew that I can destroy that tank with out moving from this spot!

WGBL: You're on!

WG Hrolf: *Face Palms Again*

*Logan's Champion hefts his thunder hammer and flings it at the tank with great accuarcy. It smacks a hole in the front armour with a sound like Haegr falling down a flight of stairs and disappears inside the still moving tank, much to the shock of the WGBL and guardsmen"

Guardsmen: Phew!! it didn't explode!

WGBL: Hah! you didn't destroy it

*Tank detonates with an ear-splitting crash and a fireball that incinerates a platoon of guardsmen and their rabbit mascot*

All WG: *Begin howling with laughter*

WGBL: *Jaw drops* WOW!! How are you going to get the thunder hammer back?

Logan's Champion: *Winks*

*Logan's Champion raises his free arm and streches his hand out in front of the WGBL's face. With a blinding flash that singes the WGBL's beard, the thunder hammer returns to his hand as if by magic*

Logan's Champion: I believe thats 10 kegs of Wolfmeister brew that you owe me? Now keep mowing down the traitor guardsmen and having fun, I've got to go and knock the dent out of the Great Wolf's Land Raider.

*Logan's Champion makes his way back down the ridge towards the dented Land Raider and irate Great Wolf, whistling Korpiklaani's 'Beer, Beer' to himself*

WG Hrolf: 179...........180...........181!! You now owe me 10 kegs of Wolfmeister brew as welll!!

Rest of WG retinue: *Snigger*

WGBL: *Face Palm*
So das war`s erstma . Alle entliehen von verschiedenen Autoren von Bolter and Chainsword.
 
Wo wir grad wieder dabei sind...ne?
Iron Priest with 3 Servitors and Saga of the Iron Wolf : 95 pts
Land Raider Redeemer with Multi-Melta : 250 pts
Driving your Redeemer through 2 Exorcists and a Rhino all parked side by side before doing a bootleg turn and decimating the full squad of Battle Sisters that were in the Rhino with a Flame Storm cannon : Priceless
 
Und ich dachte, das war ein Versehen. 😀

Dark Angels :wub:

Tja das kommt daher, weil Witze oft älter sind als aktuelle Romane. Du solltest das Spoilern, da du so potentiellen Lesern die Spannung nimmst.

So das war`s erstma . Alle entliehen von verschiedenen Autoren von Bolter and Chainsword.

Und alle beziehen sich auf aktuelle Dex-Änderungen, zwar hie und da leicht witzig, aber es läuft doch auf eine Message hinaus:

Do not whine, go by feet (if you want the honey inform of attached wulfgurad)!
 
Neuer Witz von Eatatau:
A young blood claw of the Space Wolves is captured by the Chaos forces, but they have already sacrificed every imperial guard they needed to, so they decide to laugh a little. They tell him that if he success over three trials, he will be free to go. The first trial consists on drinking a whole barrel of denatured alcohol, but they dont know that the young one is a Fenrisian, where they piss far away from the bonfires cause its flammable. He down it in one and asks for another one. Finally, he burps and asks for the other two trials.
The Chaos Champion, a little pissed off says...
-"In the next trial, you will have to kill with your bare hands a Carnifex that lives in that cave, and in the last one, you will have to make love to a Sister of Battle maiden till she faints."-
They took the blood claw to the cave. Some minutes after he dissapears into the darkness, some horrible screams start coming out from there. Finally, they stop. Everybody in front of the cave think the space wolf is dead when suddenly, the bloodcurdling howls start again even louder and then stop. Its like this for some time, with so terribly louder noises, that some of the heretics had to pass a morale check for avoid fleeing.
Finally the Space Wolf appears, puffs, and says...
-"For Russ! it was hard to make it faint... Now, where the hell is that maiden i have to kill with my bare hands?"-

So, ich probiere mal das ganze zu übersetzen:
Ein junger Blutwolf der Spacewolves wird von Chaosstreitkräften gefangengenommen, aber sie haben bereits genug imperialen Soldaten geopfert. Deshalb entscheiden sie sich, mit ihm ein wenig Spaß zu haben, und erzählen ihm, wenn er in drei Herausforderungen erfolg haben sollte, dann stehe es ihm frei zu gehen. Die erste Aufgabe besteht darin, ein komplettes Fass (denaturiertes?) Alkohol zu trinken, sie wissen aber nicht, dass der junge Krieger von Fenris kommt, wo man zum pissen weit weg vom Lagerfeuer geht, weil das ganze sonst in Flammen aufgeht. Er trinkt das Ganze Fass mit einem mal ansetzen runter und verlangt ein weiteres davon. Danach rülpst er und fragt nach den anderen 2 Aufgaben.
Etwas angesäuert sagt der Chaoschampion: "Als nächste Herausforderung musst du mit blosen Händen einen Carnifex töten, der in der Höle dort hinten lebt und als letztes musst du mit einer Schwester Sorroritas so lange liebe machen, bis sie in ohnmacht fällt.
Sie bringen den Blutwolf zu der Höhle. Einige Minuten, nachdem er in die Dunkelheit verschwunden ist, hört man von dort unten schreckliche Schreihe, bis diese schlussendlich abbrechen (nicht mehr zu hören sind). Alle vor der Höle denken der Spacewolf ist tot, als das Heulen des Blutwölchen auf einmal lauter wird und dann wieder abbricht. Dies geschieht einige male, mit so lauten und schrecklichen Geräuschen, dass einige der Ketzer einen Moralwerttest ablegen müssen um eine Flucht zu vermeiden.
Am Ende erscheint der Spacewolf wieder, schnaubt einmal und sagt: " Für Russ, es war hart, den Ohnmächtig werden zu lassen. Jetzt, wo zur Hölle ist diese Schwester, die ich mit blosen Händen umbringen soll....?"


Okay, meine Übersetzung ist nicht 100%ig genau, sollte aber reichen.
Auffällig: Denaturated Alcohol-Ich hab keine Ahnung, was das soll, vieleicht gegohrener Alkohol, macht aber auch keinen Sinn, wenn es nicht gegohren ist, dann ist es kein Alkohol.
Dann: to faint- Ich habs mit in ohnmacht fallen übersetzt, es kann aber auch erschöpft sein/erschlaffen bedeuten und ich war mir nicht sicher welche bedeuung hier besser passt.
Und ja, ich kenn den Witz auch schon, wenn auch nicht mit Wolves...😀